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On an occasion, while my friends were visiting us, my dad let off one of his epic ‘rippers.’“Oh, dear Jesus, Bill, why don’t you go outside and shake yourself,” my mother exclaimed in mock horror. Needless to say, my two pals almost pissed themselves at mom’s ‘outburst,’ and my dad’s impish embarrassment.By the time I had finished college, my dad had retired. Formally, my father had been a formidable barrister and my mother a fervid socialite. My dad’s rapier-sharp wit and my mother’s equally quick-witted retorts were a great inspiration to me when I was growing up, and stood me in good stead when I finally graduated and became a columnist for several publications.What I particularly loved about my work was that I was not office bound. Thank fuck for the internet!By my mid-teens, my parents were aware that I was gay. This did not really trouble them at all, but my mother from time to time would feign disappointment at the fact that she would never have grandchildren. On one such. Verhooven still had her hand under the stream of water but the blood had slowed to less than a trickle. Quickly I wiped her hand dry then I poured some peroxide over the cut. She made a face but didn’t say anything. Next I applied a band aid tightly and inspected my handiwork.“Well Thomas, will I live do you think?” she asked with a smile.“I believe the prognosis is excellent that you will Mrs. Verhooven but I’m not a doctor. Now sit down and I’ll clean this mess” I told her.Putting my words to action I proceeded to blot up the sticky liquid along with the shards of glass. Knowing from past visits where the broom was kept I retrieved it and made sure I hadn’t missed any fragments before finally wiping down the floor one more time with a wet towel. Finally finished I discarded the towel and turned to Mrs. Verhooven who was watching me with a bemused smile on her pretty face. I noticed there now were two wine glasses on the table filled with wine.“Very impressive job Thomas, there is.
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